My common life began to surf through marriage and divorce. I went beyond the limits that I had come to believe what I could afford, and then I fell down before God and began to hang myself on to God. The situation has been resolved to some extent. Then I completely forgot my God who had saved my situation and indulged wild dissipated. Without God the life could be perfect, or since there is no God our life would be freely and willingly and after some years they will be destroyed and be broken to fragments.
I had mostly cut off associates with other people and completely isolated by myself with nobody. In the office I saw myself who works like machines until now and I was aware that ‘I found my life totally abnormal.’ Forgotten God, I poured out lots of complaints and grumbles to God completely only by myself. It was due to God since I sinned myself, again it was due to God since God remained this environment and circumstances burst out with resentment and anger. But resentment and anger were not enough to change the situation.
When I felt vaguely, I thought that ‘It is time to return back.’ and my Lord set me up to stand in front of the gospel. Until now I knew God only in my head but a miracle happened that God became my God. And I did not need much time to devote myself to missionary work.
The uncomfortable situation and the environment are the time the Lord speaks
After her devotion her life was a dash this way and rush that. To live a life of faith to me, who had never even had the shape of a godly thing, was to learn from the beginning like a child. I was taught how to do and to serve with faith, receiving the acceptance of many delays. When the Lord admitted that he was pointed out, he knew what was wrong, and he allowed him to obey again as long as he wanted to learn.
The problem was the situation and the environment. ‘Why these authorities and why the hands and feet and why these situations…’ When I thought of this, I began to blame God again. It was not easy to face the same way I was before I met the gospel. I thought that everything I had done with faith was ruined and thrown back to the floor. I was just getting up before a few similar situations. I was just getting up to pay attention before a few similar situations. I realized that the Lord was talking to me, not the situation.
While mediating on the Four Gospels, only one of parables made my heart uncomfortable. Without warning a furious rainstorm came up on the lake but Jesus was sleeping on the stern. The disciples, before fishermen, would have had the experience of going through any kinds of storms. But they felt the fear of death and woke Jesus up. However, Jesus, who woke up and calmed the waves and rebuke his disciples as unbelieving. Why did Jesus say to disciples ‘You of little faith.’? Was it sinful to be afraid in the storm? ‘Jesus! Since Jesus was in bed.’ While I returned to ask the Lord came to me.
If you concentrate only on the storms, you will have to die in the storm. Jesus was sleeping but he still was with them. To be with Jesus Christ means to be with his ability.
From unreasonable situations, unintelligible situations, and sometimes unjust situations, the Lord appears directly but does not solve or direct it. He just cheers me quietly like Jesus, who sleeps stern in a boat.
He has the ability to solve the situation at once, but God still waits for me like a silent person. The more difficult the situation is and the more I think can not solve it myself, the more the Lord does not stop and pushes me into situation.
I cannot help but to wake up with the resentment of Jesus who is surprised by the small storm. When I rely on the power of the cross, I let it sail through the storm. The ability to cross over all situations and environments is surprisingly my complete death. With his power I praise Jesus who is together with me everyday.
Choi Hyun Jung
