“Sir, I gave up the drugs with the Lord’s grace.” “Well, the doctor thinks that she seems to be in a great manic state.” “So can I just miraculously stop taking drugs?” “No, the doctor has never had one of those, and you should not do that.”

It was a depression pill that I had eaten nearly twenty pills a day. I was the leader of the extreme of the Christian theater for more than a decade, and I was always turning to the world theater because I could not solve my longing for the work. I confess that the Lord is the whole of my life, and I am more in love with the Lord than more anything. So, more than any other work in the world, I told the members that the play of God I do is good every day.

But my desires, which were at the bottom of my heart, packed the false that that I knew more about the world and could express God well, and led myself to the world rather than God. But as the practice progressed, I learned how dirty all these things were like dirt, and when I was aware of how painful the soul was just to be in a place where God was not, I was called from the directing the day before the performance. And sexual harassment under the name of acting guidance. It was so terrible.

I ran out of there on that road, but I did not get up from the next day. The hospital’s diagnostic name was bipolar disorder and panic disorder. This disease started and has changed for whole my life. Everyday there was an unknown fear and wailing, and no one could meet or even contact. From time to time, there was a temptation to commit suicide, and a long bed life would continue with helplessness and fear that could not move even a finger. She was hospitalized several times in the closed ward due to overdoes, and she would be taken to the emergency room from time to time due to panic paralysis. I was getting tired of repeating that I was getting better and worse for so long.

At first I confessed that all this was the grace of the Lord who knew my pride and faithlessness, but as time went on, I found myself leaning on the medicine rather than giving faith. I was drugged and now it was hard to even call God as Father. I knew that I would live if I went to God, but I was sitting there saying, ‘I am so collapsed because of the disease, I cannot help it.” Meanwhile I met the Lord at a meeting that I had visited with the long-time recommendation of my acquaintance, and I was confessing my heart to God for so long.

‘I am the child of the Lord; and the Lord has worn me with a whip!’ And the Lord made me realize that I was shaking the flag of victory on Satan’s head and the Lord standing next to me with my shape. As soon as I was in the Lord, my prayers began to change. ‘The Lord, I don’t want to be sick for the rest of my life. Let the joy of worshipping the Lord be lost for the rest of your life.’

I noticed at the moment. Full rest and peace can only be achieved when I am in my Lord, Jesus. And with a bonus, he was completely free from the disease.

The doctors still don’t believe. It is medically impossible. But my Lord does everything. He made it absolutely clear that only the Lord was revealed, and that the Lord done it completely. Now I don’t know how much I appreciate the ordinary daily life. It is a tearful day to open your eyes and to be able to live with a whole mind and body without getting drunk. Today, I praise the Lord who made the confession of 23 Psalms my confession.

Kyung Hye Shin